Opens to a restaurant in Washington D.C. A waiter sets a pan of food on fire with a match.)
Kira and Craig (Laugh and clap. They turn to see K.C., wearing goth clothes, on her phone, and feet on the table.)
Kira K.C., we're at an expensive French restaurant. What are you doing on your phone?
K.C. Ordering a pizza.
Craig Why do we bother taking her to nice places?
K.C. You know what, here's an idea. How about I go to the mall and you guys pick me up when you're done. Or don't.
(K.C. focuses on a certain waiter and puts on spy glasses)
K.C. Okay, the target has entered the restaurant, I have facial recognition confirmation. Target matches the profile: slight limp, broad shoulders, weak chin, and a very long...eyelash? Oh no, that one's mine actually.
Craig Intel shows he's here to get the stolen plans for our new missle defense system. Our assignment; cover those plans.
Kira I'll cover the exit.
K.C. I'm going in.
(Target walks into a room with a sign outside of it that says, "Adults Only."
Craig You can't go in the lounge! It's for adults only.
K.C. Not a problem. (takes off her wig and throws it to Craig, who rapidly stuffs it inside his jacket)
(K.C. reappears in a different outfit: wavy hair and a shiny blue dress)
Craig My little girl's growing up so fast!
Kira (on K.C.'s bracelet) He's on the move, and he's got a briefcase.
(K.C. uses her glasses to use x-ray vision on the briefcase)
K.C. I have a visual on the plans. (takes off glasses) Let's do this. (Grabs a table with wheels from a waiter with a match) Didn't anyone ever tell you to not play with matches?
(K.C. runs the table into the target and knocks him over. The target kicks K.C. into the stomach and sends her falling onto a customer)
K.C. (Picks up the menu) I highly recommend the Filet of Sole.
(K.C. takes the heels off of her high heels and throws them at the target. The fight moves into the kitchen, where K.C. knocks the target down. She then pauses to put lipstick on, and then uses it as a laser at the target. The target throws plates at her, when they both pick up a pair of frying pans as weapons. They attack each other, and the target rolls a table at K.C., who rolls over it. When the target tries to take the briefcase, he is stopped by K.C., who is standing on it. The target takes it from under her foot, and hits her in the stomach. He is poised to attack her)
K.C. I can't believe you hit me! (fake cries) I'm just a little girl!
(She kicks the target's leg, and gets back up on her feet)
K.C. A little girl who just girl-stomped you, son!
(K.C. takes off her earrings and uses them as handcuffs for the target. She grabs a bar from the ceiling and kicks him into a freezer. K.C. takes the briefcase)
K.C. Time for you to chill out!
(K.C. closes the door, and turns around to frightened workers)
K.C. What? You've never heard of a teenage spy? (flinches, and makes one worker drop something)
(She walks back to her table, but stops when she picks up a cake)
K.C. Sorry, I didn't have time for dessert. (licks cake and leaves)
(Shortened theme song plays, and letters appear, "SIX MONTHS EARLIER." Scene opens to the Cooper's kitchen)
K.C. Morning, Mom. (walks in with paper) Hey, I need my permission slip signed for my field trip next week. No slip, no trip. No trip, I flip.
Kira Kind of busy here.
K.C. So am I! And I have a test to study for, a paper to write, and I still find time to bug you. (laughs)
Kira Sweetie, I run an accounting firm. I take care of two kids, cook, clean, do the laundry, and have to convince your father his hair isn't thick. You really wanna compete with me?
K.C. I get it, you're busy. I'll just sign it for you. (writes as Ernie enters)
Kira K.C., you really shouldn't- wow! You do my signature better than I do! Is there anything you aren't good at?
K.C. Yes: failing. (both laugh)
Ernie Well, you're just perfect, aren't ja?
K.C. Well, I am Mom and Dad's favorite.
Ernie (laughs) Yeah, right.
Craig (opens hall door) There's my K.C., my pride and joy! (Hugs K.C.)
Ernie Uh, hello?
Craig Oh, hey Ernie, I didn't see you there.
Ernie You guys wanna laugh? K.C. thinks she's your favorite. (nervously laughs, and gets silence in return) Funny, right? Right? Mom?
Kira Oh, hey Ernie, I didn't see you there.
Craig Don't be ridiculous. Just because K.C. has an A average, she's a black belt in karate, and she single-handedly retrofilled the whole house to run on solar power doesn't mean you're not as good as... (toaster dings) Hey, look! Breakfast is ready!
(Scene changes to Hamilton High School)
Marisa So I'm thinking tonight you come over, hack into the school's network, and switch all the cute boys into my classes.
K.C. Okay, Marisa, as much as I like risking expulsion so that you can get a date, tonight is a school night-
Marisa Please don't say it.
K.C. I need to study.
Marisa She said it. Okay, how many times do we have to go over this? Study: Bad. Party: Good. The first dance of the year is Friday night and we are going! And we're gonna get our BOOM BOOM PRETTY ON! (starts singing and dancing as students look at her) Shakira, I hear ya, Shakira, I hear ya...
K.C. (holds Marisa's arms and calms her down) Half of the school's now staring at us.
Marisa How embarassing. Why isn't the other half staring?
K.C. Okay, look. The point is even if I wanted to go, which I don't, I have a robotics club meeting Friday night.
Marisa Ugh...come on, K.C. You are going to that dance and having some fun!
K.C. Yes, because there's nothing more fun than sitting around, watching you flirt with guys all night, waiting for one to talk to me, which thankfully never happens, because every time I do try to talk to a guy, I just come off sounding like a complete idiot. Okay, my brain says something really cute and funny, but my mouth is just kinda like, "Blah be blah blah blah..."
Marisa Oh, come on, you are exaggerating.
Ryan (walks up to girls) How you doing, Marisa?
Marisa Oh, hey, Ryan. (laughs) Cute jacket.
Ryan Thanks. Hey, K.C.
K.C. Hey, jacket. Cute jacket. I mean... Hey, cute Ryan. Jacket...Hey Jack...oh, just kill me! (K.C. walks off, and Marisa chases her)
(Scene changes to Cooper's driveway. A black car drives up; Kira and Craig are in the front seat, wearing black clothes)
Kira I'm worried about K.C. I...I just hope testing her is the right thing to do.
Craig It's all going to be okay. She never met a test she couldn't ace. (laughs) Takes that from the old man. (points at himself)
Kira She sure does. (looks out window with a disgusted look on her face)
(K.C. walks to the garage door)
Kira Oh, here she comes! (rolls up window)
(A man wearing a black suit comes out of the back seat of the car, and walks up to K.C.)
Wally K.C.? My name is Wally. I'm with a secret government agency.
K.C. It can't be that much of a secret if you go around telling people. (tries to walk around Wally, but he blocks her)
Wally (shows K.C. his wallet) This is my ID. You need to come with me.
K.C. Okay, I think you have the wrong K.C. Let me just show you my ID. (knees Wally in the stomach)
Wally Ohhhh! My belly button! I think you just turned my outie into an innie! (picks K.C. up over his shoulders. K.C. struggles as he takes her inside the car) Please stop that!
(Scene changes to rusty building)
K.C. (tied to a chair) Help! Help! Let me go! Okay, uh, the police just got here, and they said that they are going to wait outside and give you one last chance to let me go. And if you do...they won't be mad! Man, this is gonna hurt. (jumps up and breaks the chair)
(K.C. looks around and sees a second level with an exit. She climbs up a metal bar on the wall. She grabs another bar from the second level)
K.C. Okay, seriously, I can't just hang here all day! (climbs up to the second level. She kicks the door open, and finds a roomful of people wearing black suits)
(The people in the room take off their shades at one time. Wally is at the front.)
K.C. (tries to go out the door, but realizes it is locked) Stand back! Alright, I watch reality shows! I will scratch your eyes out and scar you emotionally!
Wally (holds up a stopclock) One minute and forty-two seconds! A new record! (agents clap)
K.C. Okay, I don't know what's wrong with you people, but if you think my parents are going to pay some big ransom, you are sadly mistaken. Okay, they are not rich, they are just boring accountants!
(Agents step aside to reveal Kira and Craig, wearing the same outfits as the agents)
Craig Now, I wouldn't say we're boring.
Kira And accounting isn't our only job. Honey, we're also spies.
Craig And we need your help on a mission.
K.C. ...Whaaaaat?
(Scene changes to the Cooper's kitchen)
K.C. Okay, so let me get this straight. Um, basically you guys have been lying to me my entire life.
Kira Honey, we wanted to tell you we were spies, but we weren't allowed to.
Craig Well, we could have, but then we would have to kill you.
K.C. (laughs) You guys are joking, right?
Craig Heh, yeah, okay...
K.C. I just don't get it! Why me? I'm-
(The three become silent as Ernie walks into the kitchen. They all smile at him)
Ernie What were you guys talking about?
K.C., Kira, and Craig Nothing.
Ernie Are you planning a surprise party for me? I knew you guys wouldn't forget my birthday...again. (leaves)
K.C. Why me? (sits on the couch) I'm just a regular kid!
Craig A regular kid? No! We had you tested when you were three, you were certified a genius.
Kira You used to read us bedtime stories. Shakespeare.
K.C. Wait...I'm a genius? Why didn't you guys tell me that?
Craig Because we didn't want you to get a big head! (puts hands beside ears to resemble a large head) Which according to the test, you already have because your brain is so big! (touches K.C.'s head)
Kira And let's face it, sweetie, you kick butt! Your first lesson at Karate Kiddies when you were five, you crushed your sensei's windpipe. (holds hands to heart)
K.C. You guys said he choked on a raisin.
Kira Again.
Kira and Craig Uhhhhhh... (does the "big head" motion again)
Kira Plus, you're perfect for this mission because you go to Hamilton High. Our intel shows one of the students is an undercover teen spy working for The Other Side. Now we need someone on the inside we can trust.
Craig Your mission- if you choose to accept it... (giggles) I love saying that!
Kira It gets old, baby. (continues) -is to identify that spy and recover the code for a new virus that jams cell towers, rendering every mobile device useless, thus creating worldwide havoc!
K.C. You mean it all goes down? No texting? No selfies? No super-cute kitten pics? ...No checking in? If I go somewhere and I can't check in, how will I even know that I was there?
Kira Tell me about it! Sweetie, you can help stop the virus.
Craig So what do you say, K.C.? Are you in?
(Scene changes to Hamilton High cafeteria. K.C. puts on her spy glasses and looks for the agent)
Marisa (rushes into the cafeteria) Oh, hey! Any chance you changed your mind about going to the dance because a lot of cute boys are going! Please?
K.C. Marisa! You know that school dances are not my thing! Plus, I have way too much going on to be worrying about meeting some...(Lincoln walks in) ...boy. Who is that boy?
Marisa Lincoln Treadwell. He just moved to D.C.
K.C. From where? Heaven? ...Wait, um, "just moved to D.C."? (Uses glasses on Lincoln and finds a match. She then changes her glasses into X-ray mode, so that he appears shirtless) Wow, this mission's going to be a lot more fun than I thought it would be.
Marisa What do you mean?
K.C. Nothing. (taps glasses and turns off X-ray mode)
Marisa Oh, sorry, I can't eat with you. I have to go to detention.
K.C. Wait, you're in trouble again?
Marisa Oh, no, no no no, it's a dedication ceremony. They're naming the room after me...of course I'm in trouble! (laughs and walks off)
(K.C. sees Lincoln, and sits at a near table with Reena.)
K.C. Hey, Reena, how are you doing?
Reena Let me guess. You don't have anyone to sit with, so you figured sitting with a girl sitting by herself in a wheelchair was better than sitting alone?
K.C. I would not have put it that way, but okay!
Reena Well, too bad! I'm saving these seats. (gestures for K.C. to move)
K.C. Sure you are.
(A group of girls walk into the cafeteria)
Juli Er ma gur! Reena! Why is this annoying-bot sitting in my seat?
K.C. Hi, Julie.
Juli (giggles) My name's not Julie, it's Juli. J-U-L-I. No E!
K.C. I was just leaving, Juli No E. And by the way, not only do you have no E, but you have no class.
Juli Of course I have no class. It's lunch.
(K.C. walks to her table and watches a janitor. Lincoln walks up to the janitor and begin whispering)
K.C. (In bracelet) Activate eavesdrop mode.
Janitor The code for the cell tower jamming program is embedded in the smartphone your contact will hand off at the school dance Friday night.
Lincoln That's too bad. I was just about to post a really cute selfie.
Janitor You and me both, brother. You and me both.
(Scene changes to bathroom. K.C. goes inside a stall and locks the door)
K.C. (In bracelet) Dad? Come in. Dad?
(A hologram of Craig appears in front of her)
Craig Hi, honey! Hologram high-five!
(K.C. tries to high-five Craig, but her hand passes through Craig's hand.)
Craig (laughs) I'm sorry, I pull that on all the rookies, ha ha... So what do you got?
K.C. I spotted the target, he's going by the name of Lincoln Treadwell. He's tall, he's cute and his hair is all...not important. The virus is embedded in the phone that he is receiving at the school dance.
Craig Good work!
K.C. So, now what do I do?
Craig Well, you need to get Lincoln to ask you to the dance, so you can stay close to him, until you recover that phone.
K.C. Go with him? Like on a...a date?
Craig Oh, don't tell me you've never had a date.
K.C. No, I haven't because someone told me I wasn't allowed to until I was 18.
Craig Well, excuse me if I don't want my little girl to grow up too soon! Now when you go to the dance, don't forget to bring your ninja stars, your brass knuckles, and stun gun.
K.C. I need all that for my first mission?
Craig No! For your first date. Dad...out! (hologram disappears)
(Scene changes to Hamilton High. K.C. watches Juli flirt with Lincoln. Juli walks away)
K.C. Well, if he likes girls like Juli, I'll just be like Juli. (stretches hands, and then laughs and walks like Juli. She goes over to Lincoln.) Er ma gur, Lincoln! I'm K.C. No E. No wait, there is an E, but it's after an I, like right before an E except after C except in this case it is after a C! So much for rules!, you're like new and stuff, and there's this dance Friday night, and what do you say we like, go together? I know the Electric Cha Cha Slide. (starts dancing)
Lincoln Whoa, that right there, that is tempting, but, no. (walks off)
K.C. Er ma gur...
(Scene changes to the Cooper's kitchen)
K.C. (to Kira and Craig) What was I thinking? You know what, I wasn't thinking because if I was thinking, I would've never agreed to all this!
Kira Been there, said the same thing as I was walking down the aisle.
Craig Excuse me?
Kira I meant the first time.
Craig (louder) Excuse me?!
Kira Not now, honey. You were saying?
K.C. I blew my mission because I am too-
(Ernie walks in, causing the three to become silent again. They all smile at Ernie.)
Ernie Too busy whispering to remember to pick me up from school? Again?
Craig Why didn't you call?
Ernie I did. 83 times. Call a brother back!
Craig (pulls out phone) Oh, that was you! I didn't recognize your number.
(Ernie grunts as he goes upstairs.)
K.C. (after Ernie leaves) I blew my mission because I am too pathetic to get a guy to go to the dance with me. I made a complete fool of myself, and the worst part is I can't even talk to my best friend about it.
Craig Sure, you can! I'm listening.
K.C. Dad! I'm talking about Marisa.
Kira I get it, sweetie, it's not easy leading a double life.
K.C. I'm sixteen! I haven't even figured out how to live one life!
Craig You know, you can still go to the dance and complete your mission. The K.C. I know never gives up.
Kira Don't forget your country needs you.
K.C. No! You guys cannot keep putting that pressure on me! Look, I am not some spy girl! Okay, I am just a girl. An ordinary girl.
Craig No, you're not. You''re extraordinary.
K.C. Look, you guys keep saying that, but I don't feel extraordinary. Okay, I just feel overwhelmed. You know what? Forget the spy stuff. Okay? I'm done. Done.
Kira Fine. It's your decision. But you really disappointed us. We expected more from you, K.C. (walks off)
Craig I guess we see more in you than you see in yourself. (walks off)
K.C. (shakes in anger, gets phone, and calls Marisa) Hey, Marisa, it's me. Um, let's say I actually wanted to go to this dance Friday night. What would I wear? Marisa? Hello?
Marisa (opens door with clothes) Sorry I took so long. Okay, this one will show off your legs, but this one will bring out your eyes. Hold these, I've gotta go back for the shoes. She's a girl! (runs out) SHE'S A GIRL!!!
(Scene changes to Hamilton High School Dance. K.C. enters wearing a glittery silver dress)
Juli (walks over) Wow! Look at you!
K.C. (giggles) Thanks.
Juli Wasn't a compliment, sweetie. (walks off)
(Lincoln goes over to Juli and gives her a drink)
K.C. (talks to bracelet) Initiating fart sequence. Silent but deadly mode. (Laughs quietly)
(K.C. taps her bracelet, which gives off a grey gas near Juli. Everyone nearby gets a disgusted look on their face)
Juli Ewwww!!
Reena (gasps and points at Juli, along with everyone else)
Juli It wasn't me! I swear!
Reena Sorry, the one who smelt it, dealt it. (rolls off) That is nasty!
Juli Ahhh!! (runs away from Lincoln)
K.C. Bye, sweeti! No E! (walks over to Lincoln) I guess your date had to go. If you want, you can hang with me.
Lincoln Okay. That'd be cool.
(K.C. and Lincoln put on their spy glasses at the same time and look for the smartphone. They look at each other.)
K.C. What'cha looking for?
Lincoln Nothing. What are you looking for?
K.C. Nothing.
(They both find the phone at the same time)
Lincoln I'll be right back.
K.C. I'll go with you.
Lincoln You can't.
K.C. Why not?
Lincoln It's something I have to do alone.
K.C. Like what?
Lincoln Like...going to the boys room.
K.C. I can go to the...(coughs)...I'll be right here.
(Lincoln talks to the man with the smartphone as Marisa coms over to K.C.)
Marisa K.C., I am so happy you're here. And, look at you! You look absolutely...perfect. (licks finger and wipes something off K.C.'s face)
K.C. What exactly is up with you? I mean, I haven't seen you this happy since your parents pulled you out of that all-girls school.
Marisa (laughs)
K.C. It's just a dance!
Marisa You're my best friend. And now my little anti-social caterpillar is transforming into a beautiful outgoing butterfly! (Hugs K.C.)
Lincoln (walks back) I'm back.
Marisa Wow, you work quick, butterfly! Time for me to spread my own wings. Hi! (holds arms out like a butterfly and leaves)
(An older man replaces the DJ and plays tango music, much to the high school students' dismay.)
Reena Ugh! How lame! Like anyone knows how to dance to this.
K.C. and Lincoln I do. Me too.
K.C. (takes off earrings) I learned it from watching one of those celebrity dancing shows.
(They begins to dance in the middle of the dancefloor. During the dance, K.C. and Lincoln try and grab the phone from each other.)
Lincoln You're a spy!
K.C. So are you!
Lincoln I'm taking you in.
K.C. Nope, I'm taking you in. (Puts Lincoln's arm behind his back) Even though I don't know where in actually is.
Lincoln I can't blow my cover. But I can dip you. (dips her, picks her up, and leaves the dance.)
(Scene changes to Hamilton High Storage Room. Lincoln puts a chain around a door, locking K.C. inside half of the room)
K.C. Wow...this is so not what I thought my first school dance would be like.
Lincoln No way! This is my first school dance, too!
K.C. Really? I actually had fun. You know, up until you picked me up and threw me over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
Lincoln (laughs)
K.C. Okay, that wasn't so bad either.
Lincoln Just so you know, I really wanted to go to the dance with you, but, you know...orders.
K.C. Wait, why? I looked like a total dork when I asked you to the dance.
Lincoln But most of the time you were cool.
K.C. How do you know?
Lincoln Well, I am a spy. And I'm trained to notice things, like really awesome girls.
K.C. (giggles) Wait, just to be clear, that girl was me, right?
Lincoln Yeah.
K.C. So, I'm assuming you're going to let me live?
Lincoln I have to double-check with headquarters, but, fingers crossed!
(K.C. fake laughs as Lincoln leaves)
K.C. (in bracelet) Mom, come in, I need you. Hello?
(Kira's bracelet is near Ernie at their house, and he hears it)
K.C. Can you hear me? Hello, Mom? Hello?
(Ernie walks towards the sound)
K.C. Mom, Mom, I'm in trouble! Can you hear me? Hello? Mom?
Ernie (on Kira's bracelet) K.C.? What the heck is this thing?
K.C. Great. Mom forget her bracelet.
Ernie What is going on?!
K.C. I'm not supposed to tell you this but, Mom and Dad are spies, and I've been recruited to help them on a mission.
Ernie Slow your roll. How do I know I can believe you?
K.C. We are talking on a bracelet.
Ernie Well that doesn't mean anything!
(A hologram of K.C. appears in front of Ernie. He reaches his hand out to see if she's actually there)
Ernie Okay, that means something. So it's true? You're all spies? Hey! Why wasn't I asked to be a spy?
K.C. Please! You are so not cut out to be a spy!
Ernie Oh, really? Remember the time I managed to sneak into the girls locker room?
K.C. Yes. Everyone remembers. You were caught immediately. Look, if Mom and Dad check in, tell them that I am being held against my will in the AB Storage Room. I'm going to try to make it out alive, but if I don't, I'm going to be really late for curfew.
Ernie Sure! I'll let them know. I just hope I'm cut up to deliver a message! (K.C.'s hologram disappears)
(Scene changes to Storage Room. Lincoln is back)
Marisa (enters the storage room) Come on, Mason. This is a nice, quiet place where we
K.C. Marisa!
Marisa Oh! Sorry! Ocupado! (Marisa and Mason leave)
K.C. N-n-no! N-n-n-n-no! Don't! Go!
Lincoln Just a hunch...she doesn't do very well in school, does she?
K.C. (makes a "not really" motion)
(Lincoln goes on his phone. K.C. sees Ernie in the window above the door. He opens the window and goes in butt-first. He falls on Lincoln.)
Ernie Whoa!
(Lincoln is poised to punch)
Ernie Not the face! Not the face!
(K.C. handcuffs him from the other side of the gate-wall)
K.C. Gotcha.
Ernie Heh, not cut out to be a spy, huh? (takes Lincoln's keys) Thank you. (unlocks the door) I believe I just saved your butt with my butt.
(K.C. goes through the door, moving Lincoln along with it.)
K.C. Oh, by the way, genius, the door was unlocked.
Ernie No it wasn't. I was pulling,, fudge.
(Ernie leaves. Lincoln moves, his hands handcuffed to the door moving along with him. He smiles sheepishly at K.C.)
Lincoln Hey, uh, how about you let me go and we'll grab a bite to eat. You like sushi?
K.C. (giggles) Nice try, but I don't date bad boys. (takes phone) Thank you.
Lincoln So, I'm assuming you're going to let me live?
K.C. Fingers crossed! (leaves)
(Scene changes to Cooper's kitchen)
Craig Oh, I am so proud! (hugs K.C.) You completed your first mission!
K.C. You know me, I never give up!
Craig I never doubted you for a second.
Kira My little girl kicked butt tonight! The whole world owes you a debt of gratitude.
Ernie Excuse me. Aren't we forgetting somebody? Again?
K.C. You know what, he's right. If it weren't for you, I would have never completed that mission. Ernie, you are the real hero.
Craig You know, I totally underestimated you, son. We should have recruited you to be a spy and not K.C.
Ernie You have no idea how to hear you say that-
(Kira sprays something in his face. Ernie falls forward onto the table in a deep sleep. K.C. has a surprised look on her face.)
Kira Oh, don't worry. He'll wake up totally refreshed in the morning, and he won't remember anything that's happened in the last six hours.
Craig (laughs) See, baby? I told you everything was going to be okay.
Kira Yes you did, my big...strong...spy daddy.
Craig You know I am! (the two kiss repeatedly. K.C. grabs the memory spray bottle and sprays herself. She passes out onto the table.)